I am the Grim Reaper of sports journalists. Death follows wherever I go.

I got an NHL team relocated, something that has only happened one other time this millennium.

I went down to Tucson last weekend to chronicle a Roadrunners team that overcame impossible odds and rode a six-game winning streak to the No. 2 seed in the AHL’s Pacific Division. They lost as soon as I arrived and then got swept out of the playoffs one week later. At home. Against the No. 7 seed.

I invited Diamondbacks president and CEO Derrick Hall for a sitdown interview. His defending NL champs promptly lost five players to injury in the next week, including Zac Gallen on Friday. They have the fourth worst record in the NL.

I went to cover my first Suns game in 14 years. The last time I covered the Suns, they lost in the 2010 Western Conference Final and didn’t make the playoffs for the next 10 seasons.  

I returned to Footprint Center with the knowledge that they hadn’t fallen behind 3-0 in a series since 2008. They did on Friday. The Timberwolves blew them out, 126-109, in a game that Phoenix never led; a game in which the home crowd serenaded the Suns with boos.

“Rightfully so,” Devin Booker said.

It’s a good thing I didn’t cover the first round of the NFL Draft on Thursday. Marvin Harrison Jr. would have tripped on his way to the stage and torn his ACL.

Hire me for parties. I’ve got a special skill set.

Look, I know I’m supposed to dissect the Suns’ struggles in this space. Nearly the entire postgame press conference with Booker, Bradley Beal and coach Frank Vogel was eaten up with tactical questions; Xs and Os. As if the simple truth hadn’t played out before every media member’s eyes.

“We’re being outplayed,” Vogel said.

It was actually simpler than that. It was Mike D’Antoni simple.

“If you have the best players, you’ll win,” the former Suns coach often said. “If you don’t, you won’t.”

The Suns didn’t have the best players. New owner Mat Ishbia tried to make a splash with the acquisitions of Kevin Durant and Beal, but Durant, while still good, isn’t the Durant of old. Why would he be at age 35?

Devin Booker is one notch below MVP caliber. Beal should be coming off the bench. The Suns — the franchise of Kevin Johnson, Jason Kidd and Steve Nash — need a true point guard, and this team has absolutely no chemistry. 

The Suns are goddamn pathetic. Joyless. The most unlikable team since the Sarver Dark Ages.

— Clue Heywood (@ClueHeywood) April 27, 2024

The worst part is that there is little they can do about it, given their contract situations and their lack of draft capital. The best move might be to find a serviceable point guard and run it back. It might be the only move.

This is the point where analysts and fans often call for the coach’s head. Sure, you can try that cosmetic approach and hope a new voice ignites the big three for one season, but it won’t hide all the blemishes on this team.

It just feels like the Booker window in Phoenix has already closed. It feels like it closed when the Suns blew a 2-0 lead in the 2021 NBA Finals to Milwaukee. It feels like we’re going to watch an aging team’s steady decline into the lottery.

Look, there’s still reason for hope in the Valley. Sure, the Suns are the longest tenured team in the NBA without a championship. Sure, that hockey team with the promising future will drop the puck in Salt Lake City this fall due to another lousy owner. 

But the Diamondbacks aren’t that far off the NL West pace despite their early-season injuries and struggles. We can still close our eyes and pretend that the Dodgers won’t outspend their deficiencies to climb back on top.

And while the Cardinals may not have a Super Bowl caliber roster, their GM/coaching tandem is still new enough that we can convince ourselves there is promise this time around with one of the NFL’s worst all-time franchises.

There’s no denying that April has sucked in the Valley of the Sun, but we’ve had plenty of other bad months and bounced back. There’s always another delusion just around the corner.

Top photo via Getty Images

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